I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
