Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
