I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
