That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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