If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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