people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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