just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
