my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
