I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
