everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
