well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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