Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
