He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
