I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
