Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
PANTIES FOUND
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