Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
