3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
