How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
