I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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