Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
