So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
