My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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