My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
