Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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