would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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