i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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