If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
