There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
