Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
