I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
