so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
