You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
