dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
