Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
