All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
