i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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