we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
