either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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