Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
