I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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