Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
