I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
