Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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