normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
