Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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