i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
