Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3pm strippers are depressing
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
