Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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