he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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