How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
