i don't plan on having that self control this summer
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
